UK News: One-Legged Man Pulls Gun on Debt Collector; Hilarity Ensues

This week on Downton Abbey:

A guy with terrific face tattoos (“I feel these really exemplify how I’m living my Best Life Now — ™ Oprah”) named Mark Vevers, 50, lured a debt collector to his home where he then locked her in the bathroom, threatened her life, and stole £300 from her chequing account (see what I did there?) as well as £485 in cash directly from her purse.

The debt collector — an unidentified woman working for a totally legitimate-sounding company called LoansAtHome4U — was lured to the wheel-chair bound one-legged man’s home with the false promise of additional business, telling her “a friend who wanted to borrow some money was coming round.”

Based solely on the name, it would seem the folks at LoansAtHome4U take the “AtHome4U” part seriously, which is why she decided to visit the gentleman. He had been repaying a £300 loan to the company at £20 per week and clearly thought that this brilliant plan — kidnapping a LoansAtHome4U officer/debt collector, stealing money from her, and then letting her go — would get him in the clear. Except, as it turns out, instead of using the money from his heist for that loan, he actually needed it to pay off a drug loan that was outstanding because everyone in this story is making the absolute best decisions every moment they can.

The gun he used “turned out to be an airgun, which Vevers told officers he kept for shooting rats” because England really is as classy as Masterpiece Theatre makes it look.”

Judge Richard Bray sentenced Vevers to six and a half years in prison after he pleaded guilty to false imprisonment, possessing a firearm, robbery and theft.”

[Bonus: read the comments to hear about the softer side of Mark Vevers, who has "a number of previous convictions, including attacking an ex-girlfriend with a Stanley knife.]